The Meaning Behind…

‘We are already very lean, we are not planning to reduce our numbers…’
Catchword: not planning
Meaning: no new plans because it has already been planned and decided

‘You are the best in class, the company couldn’t ask for a better team..’
Catchword: Best in class
Meaning: They only have you and they are stuck with you so you are the best in class. Don’t expect any kind of reward by this ‘make-you-feel-good’ statement.

‘I will see to it that the team is being rewarded for their contribution…’
Catchword: See to it
Meaning: He/She will just see to it that it gets pass over to HR.

‘You don’t have to like someone to work with someone’
Catchword: someone
Meaning: The manager is referring to himself/herself, it is a trick statement

‘All of us are mature individuals and managers in our own right.’
Catchword: Mature individual and managers
Meaning: Don’t bitch, just do your work and solve your own problems, stop bothering your managers with matters that they cannot handle

‘It could be worse’
Catchword: could be
Meaning: A self consoling face saving statement. Used by managers who doesn’t have the solution to the problem.

‘All of you should be proud of yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.’
Catchword: give yourself
Meaning: Thanks for the hard work, suckers!!

‘All of you deserve the recognition for the kind of work you have done, no one in the industry has done this in such a short time.’
Catchword: No one in the industry
Meaning: There is no market benchmark for such work, so you will only get recognition and nothing else.

‘Your dedication and commitment to the company is something I am very proud of.’
Catchword: I am very proud of
Meaning: You are bunch of gullible lot working your butt out making me look good to outsiders

‘We are a very strong team.’
Catchword: We
Meaning: The manager is desperately hitching a ride on your hard work to claim credit for him/herself. Normally said just before performance review is round the corner.

‘We should streamline our processes and have teamwork and synergy’
Catchword: teamwork
Meaning: the manager/management is the ‘team’, you are ‘the work’ Get it??:)

‘The decision is in line with the Corporate direction’
Catchword: Corporate direction
Meaning: We don’t want to hear what you think, just shut up and accept the decision.

‘We are working with HR to reward our people.’
Catchword: our people
Meaning: They are referring to their inner group of cohorts, not You. So stop living in self deception.

‘Let’s have a 1on1 to discuss your Performance Review.’
Catchword: your
Meaning: Has nothing to do with how well you have done but everything with what you have done. See, the poor bat hasn’t been noticing you all year round but he/she now needs you to regurgitate your ‘accomplishments’ in 1 hour so that they can turn in their report to their upper managers.
(psst…we have a solution for this one, try cut and paste from last year’s review, bats won’t know the difference because they are just so thrilled to have something submitted on time.)

‘The recent re-alignment of business units is to tap on our strong capabilities and leverage on the synergy to maximize profitability.’
Catchword: leverage & maximize
Meaning: You are being re-org. for future WFM to minimize costs and increase the company’s profitability i.e. your days are numbered.

The next time you hear some executives vexed eloquent delivering his/her speech, do listen but take it with a pinch of salt and leave the ‘motivating’ session with a smile because now, you know exactly what they were trying so hard to tell you.


Reporting From A Pair of Traumatized Ears, APNN Roving Medic Unit