APNN2- Ah Pu Neh Neh Too ;)

taxi fares hike!

2011-12-13T12:45:00.001+08:00

So what are you going to do about it? I always thing it is demand vs supply

I believe most folks that take taxis are either out of necessity(eg. Tourists, disable, old-age folks) or business folks (company pays for it.. so...)

The other batch is after mid-night, no other forms of transport.. so cab it is!

With the hike, during this economical time is a bad move by the taxi companies. But I guess the demand must be so high (especially with the new Casinos), that they know they can get away with this.

All we can do as consumers who is cornered by a monopolized transportation system (where by companies can band together to increase prices) is to reduce our usage. Afteralll, if you're not rushing for time, why not take a leisurely bus or MRT back home, or do abit more walking - its good for your health.

All we can do is band together and make ourselves happier and more healthy in the long run. Reduce your reliance on taxi as much as possible - start now!

Here is a view from Mr Joseph Wong who was published in myPaper on 15 Dec 2011. (click to see whole article)

Age and marital status

2011-11-29T17:57:00.001+08:00

When you are young an people ask you are your marital status, the straightforward answer is one of the following:
1. I'm single
2. I'm married or attached....

That's all Fine until you get older.

I'm single or I'm still single seem to sound strange.

What would be the ideal phrasing to convey the message ?

How about :
I've never married. Seems more appropriate for older folks.

What do you think ?

Iphone for Ass

2011-10-06T11:50:00.001+08:00

Bye bye Steve Jobs. Thank you for your wonderous contribution to society and fanboys at large.

Hope the iPhone 5x will still be forthcoming and not be demolished with your unfortunate demise.

Meanwhile, I'm sure there will be power struggle within Apple. Samsung's lawyers must be celebrating hoping that the lawsuits will be dropped.

Distance Fare is Fair?

2010-07-05T21:21:00.003+08:00

The launch of the so-called "Distance Fare" has just kicked into effect. It is supposed to create a fairer way to charge commuters - at least that was the marketing spin.

So far, personally I've been experiencing a 10 to 30% hike in fares comparing to the previous system. My statistics maybe biased as I primarily take short distance rides. Perhaps commuters who travel longer distances have lower rates ??

An Era of Downsizing - HP goes at it again

2010-06-02T11:54:00.001+08:00

Yes... once again, Hewlett-Packard Co., the PC giant, plans to reduce it's workforce by a whooping 9000 jobs by 2013 starting today. The cost of paying severance and modernizing/automating it's data centers amounts to $1 billion dollars!
This move is supposedly bring in net annual savings of $500 million to 700million by end of fiscal 2013.

One wonders how far such downsizing can go... possibly forever... like Robert T. Kiyosaki said in his book "Retire Young, Retire Rich".... "How to do more and more with less and less?"

Cool Stuff 1 continued

2009-09-07T11:23:00.002+08:00

Cool Stuff 1

2009-09-07T11:22:00.002+08:00

Google Wave - the next killer app

2009-09-05T12:52:00.000+08:00

Stocks to Trade

2009-09-05T12:37:00.000+08:00

Come on everyone, any lobang for investment? Give your views on various stocks.

What do you think of Genting stocks? with the casino resort coming online soon, surely the stock will continue to climb! ;)

Interesting... must have taken a long time!

2009-08-27T18:52:00.001+08:00

Total Eclipse of the Heart (Literal Video version)

2009-06-01T00:18:00.001+08:00

American Idol

2009-05-14T01:50:00.002+08:00

We are down to the 3 finalists this year... And from the performance today, all 3 were fantastic...

I am rooting for Adam Lambert, but I fear his choice of song is not as popular as the songs chosen by the other 2 competitors. The judges seem to think Adam is a sure thing in the Finals, we will know shortly!!

This season, the songs are available in iTunes immediately.. I wonder how much money that actually generates for the network as well as the contestants... ;)

Singapore is also planning the next Singapore Idol... I call it Singapore Idle! haha

Finance, Banking, Stocks

2009-05-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

Seems like the stock market has been rallying these few weeks.. hope that is sign of economic recovery... (one can wish)....

Meanwhile Banks in Singapore have been lowering evaluations of property...

We can only hope future is brighter!!

iPhone !

2009-04-09T22:39:00.002+08:00

No need to be afraid, it's just new technology

Farewell to George Bush

2009-02-01T18:36:00.000+08:00

Never too young to start

2009-01-18T12:10:00.001+08:00

Clever Ad

2009-01-16T16:28:00.001+08:00

The Journey

2009-01-07T18:06:00.001+08:00

Asia Pacific NN is proud to bring you the "Pacific Geographic" - a series that journeys to North America and highlight some best photography journalism ever done for the San Francisco area. Watch out for this space in APNN, when the series of photos shall become available.

Rock a baby

2009-01-04T09:42:00.001+08:00

If your baby loves to sleep in the car....

http://www.colic.com/Pediatrician.htm

No, we finally got this one instead.

2008-12-30T18:46:00.004+08:00

Maybe this one?

2008-12-30T18:46:00.003+08:00

Or.......

2008-12-30T18:45:00.004+08:00

Or....

2008-12-30T18:45:00.003+08:00

Which bouncer?

2008-12-30T18:43:00.003+08:00

Yes, indeed a new baby girl was born!

2008-12-30T17:38:00.006+08:00

Phonics lessons for your young

2008-11-19T16:48:00.000+08:00

Yes... phonics lessons for your young children... done by an American native English teacher - available immediately? For more information, please leave comments! ;)

New Baby Girl

2008-11-19T16:45:00.001+08:00

News has it that a new baby girl is in town to rock Singapore. An executive at the company recently gave Singapore a new addition - contributing to Singapore's lack of population - (hip hip hooray).

Big White Room

2008-10-23T19:33:00.002+08:00

I came across this nice song called The Big White Room by a singer Jessie.

World Financial Crisis

2008-10-09T23:05:00.003+08:00

As major financial institutions go under, and companies going bust everywhere, one wanders what will happen next. The stock market is reacting very badly, and that will certainly cause major consumer spending, which will spiral into an downward crash.

Will Singapore banks be affected by the crisis? What happens IF banks like HSBC, Citibank or UOB fails? Will our hardworking citizens lose their hard earned savings?

The recent AIG issue already caused so much havoc amongst many, what will happen next?

Questioning from the dark corner of the SGX. Sotong Investor.

Quick Links to other Blogs

2008-10-08T17:04:00.002+08:00

The Dark Comics
EverythingBinary
Makankarma

And whats coming? a new forum based website and we are looking for YOU, the author that can bring something different to the site. We have not determine the name or what type of content we want yet, but we have decided to use XOOPS as the engine to drive the site, watch for it !!

The Consumption of Alcohol

2008-10-07T16:16:00.001+08:00

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Large Tongue? beat this

2008-10-06T11:45:00.001+08:00

World's most dangerous comic

2008-09-30T11:15:00.001+08:00

Working for the bleeding edge

2008-09-19T17:09:00.005+08:00

I work for a bleeding edge company. Not only I have computers which spoke as well listened, some of them even have ulcers.

The Office Game

2008-09-19T17:09:00.002+08:00

Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINTS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

New HR Policies

2008-09-19T17:09:00.001+08:00

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Week 18 - Memo No. 7

Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20 - Memo No. 8

Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

New Office Policy

2008-09-15T13:46:00.000+08:00

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, yo! u are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non
employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls.. At the end of three minutes, an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken! . After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the compan y bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.

The Management

Thank you.

What Managers Must Know

2008-08-08T15:05:00.006+08:00

1. Just because you like someone doesn't mean the person is cut out for the task. And it doesn't
matter how many years you know the person.

2. Don't overwrite the decision of your subordinate whom you have empowered.

3. Stop pushing your favourite people into roles just because you want to have a foothold into
someone else's project.

4. Admit it when you picked the wrong person for the job and stop blaming others for his/her
failure.

5. Back off and stop stepping into areas where you are not needed.

6. Don't talk double or triple - you loose credibility and respect.

7. Don't make deals with individual and promise rewards outside the performance evaluation
framework - this is favourism and will cause division.

8. Be humble and don't think you know how to run other people's department - respect others.

9. Grow up and act like a professional worthy of your office - stop behaving like a spoilt kid
wanting to grab at every high visible endeavour.

10. Leave your staff alone to do their job - they were at it long before you came along to be
their manager.

They just don't get it--

Airplace Crash

2008-08-07T18:17:00.002+08:00

Marshalling at an airforce base.

2008-07-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

BluRay Titles Cheap

2008-06-29T02:20:00.001+08:00

Title		Sale
Michael Clayton		$ 56
Monty Python's Life Of Brian		$ 40
Good Luck Chuck		$ 52
Terminator 2: Judgment Day		$ 35
The Punisher		$ 35
Total Recall		$ 35
Stargate		$ 35
The Devil's Rejects		$ 35
Stir Of Echoes		$ 35
Dragon Wars		$ 52
Resident Evil		$ 40
Pan's Labyrinth		$ 56
Rush Hour 3		$ 58
Blade Runner		$ 62
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix		$ 56
Harry Potter: Years 1-5		$ 222
The Legend of Zorro		$ 40
Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire		$ 45
Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban		$ 45
Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone		$ 45
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets		$ 45
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End		$ 54
Ocean's Thirteen		$ 56
Ratatouille		$ 52
Spider-Man 3		$ 58
Spider-Man: The Motion Picture Trilogy		$ 124
2001: A Space Odyssey		$ 40
King Of New York		$ 40
Hollow Man		$ 40
Bram Stoker's Dracula		$ 40
The Replacement Killers		$ 40
Doctor Strange		$ 40
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within		$ 40
IMAX: Blue Planet		$ 40
300		$ 52
Wild Things		$ 40
The Fifth Element		$ 40
The Patriot		$ 40
Hellboy		$ 40
Curse of the Golden Flower		$ 40
Dirty Dancing		$ 40
Planet Earth: The Complete Series		$ 139
The Pursuit of Happyness		$ 53
Chicken Little		$ 52
The Untouchables		$ 40
Casino Royale		$ 53
Mission: Impossible		$ 40
Mission: Impossible 2		$ 40
Dreamgirls		$ 40
Reservoir Dogs		$ 40
Payback		$ 40
Black Rain		$ 40
Black Hawk Down		$ 40
The Manchurian Candidate		$ 40
Failure to Launch		$ 40
Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera		$ 40
World Trade Center		$ 40
U2: Rattle And Hum		$ 40
Aeon Flux		$ 40
The Italian Job		$ 40
Four Brothers		$ 40
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow		$ 40
Sleepy Hollow		$ 40
Nacho Libre		$ 40
Training Day		$ 40
House of Flying Daggers		$ 40

ERP takes it toll on regular people

2008-06-19T20:03:00.003+08:00

Get ready folks! ERP is getting more expensive from 7th July 2008. And yes... 5 additional toll gates, higher prices (50cts more per pop), and all in the name of getting smoother traffic!

Oh well.... expect higher transportation costs, meaning business owners will increase products or services to maintain their profit margins, which means more GST to collect... bottom line is - higher inflation.

What can we do to help ourselves?

1. travel less - certainly would help.
2. travel by bus - avoid taxi and cars
3. walk if possible - more exercise - good for health

By traveling less to Orchard or Singapore River area, you not only save on transportation cost, but also expenditure on coffee, food and what not. That translate to business owners needing to transport less raw material (eg. coffee bean, cooking oil etc), into the business area. Hence win win for everyone - almost.

For the kids/teenagers - please avoid the Tolls areas to reduce ERP charges! hah

Cloned Immune Cells to tackle Cancer

2008-06-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

A patient whose skin cancer had spread throughout his body has been given the all-clear after being injected with billions of his own immune cells.

Tests revealed that the 52-year-old man's tumours, which spread from his skin to his lung and groin, vanished within two months of having the treatment, and had not returned two years later.

Doctors attempted the experimental therapy as part of a clinical trial after the man's cancer failed to respond to conventional treatments.

The man is the first to benefit from the new technique, which uses cloning to produce billions of copies of a patient's immune cells. When they are injected into the body they attack the cancer and force it into remission.

Campaigners and scientists in the UK yesterday welcomed the breakthrough. "It's very exciting to see a cancer patient being successfully treated using immune cells cloned from his own body. While it's always good news when anyone with cancer gets the all-clear, this treatment will need to be tested in large clinical trials to work out how widely it could be used," said Ed Yong at Cancer Research UK.

Peter Johnson, chief clinician at the charity, added: "Although the technique is complex and difficult to use for all but a few patients, the principle that someone's own immune cells can be expanded and made to work in this way is very encouraging."

Cassian Yee at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Centre in Seattle extracted immune cells from the patient and found that a small proportion of them, called CD4 T cells, naturally attacked a protein found on nearly three-quarters of the cancer cells. Using cloning techniques, Yee's team replicated these cells until they had more than 5bn of them.

When the cells were injected into the patient they immediately began attacking the cancer. Intriguingly, the patient's immune system gradually began a wider offensive, attacking all the cancer cells in the body, according to a report in the New England Journal of Medicine. Two months later medical scans failed to pick up any signs of cancer in the patient.

The team believes the treatment could be effective in around a quarter of skin cancer patients whose immune systems have cells that are already primed to attack their tumours. "For this patient we were successful, but we would need to confirm the effectiveness of therapy in a larger study," Yee added.

In an accompanying article Louis Weiner, director of the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Centre at Georgetown University, Washington, wrote that Yee's work "underscores the remarkable potential of the immune system to eradicate cancer, even when the disease is widespread".

The case showed that hopes to turn the immune system into a weapon against cancer was becoming a reality, Weiner added. "If the destination is not yet at hand, it is in sight. The endgame has begun."

Using the immune system to fight cancer could be much safer than existing treatments, which often have serious side effects.

Mentos and Coke - the Water works

2008-06-16T13:54:00.002+08:00

This is for those that didnt know that Mentos Reacts to Coke.

Mentos with Carlsburg?

2008-06-06T15:01:00.001+08:00

You know about Mentos and Coke right? Now watch this video about Mentos reaction to Carlsburg beer.

Mathematics about Humans

2008-06-02T01:53:00.001+08:00

Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Microstock

2008-05-19T18:20:00.002+08:00

Are there any photography fans out there? We want to do an experiment, to determine if Microstock can generate a decent income. Please go and shoot 3 original photos of things you think can sell well as a Microstock. Example could be PC peripherals or cute animals, or numbers off the wall of the financial market.

We will submit approx 20 photos and see how these photos fair in the microstock environment. Act Now!!

Stock Market, Investments and Finanial Times

2008-05-17T23:25:00.003+08:00

Let's post what stocks are good to trade!! everyone share the lobang! come 'on!! join the investment wave!

SINGAPORE Telecommunications (SingTel) is investing $220 million in an islandwide cellular network upgrade to set the stage for delivering higher-speed mobile broadband services.

The Knack

2008-05-17T23:23:00.002+08:00

Watch the Rocking Chair carefully

2008-04-14T16:17:00.001+08:00

3-minute Management Course

2008-04-10T00:15:00.001+08:00

LESSON 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $500 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $500 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

LESSON 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized, "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. "It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral Of The Story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

LESSON 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!", says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

''Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral Of The Story: Always let your boss have the first say.

LESSON 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral Of The Story:To be sitting & doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

LESSON 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree taking him for a vulture.

Moral Of The Story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!

This ends the 3-minute management course.

The Aristocrats joke using Cards

2008-03-27T20:35:00.000+08:00

Old Lady Sues lots of Giants

2008-03-25T01:24:00.000+08:00

http://www.engadget.com/2008/03/21/little-old-lady-to-take-down-sony-samsung-nokia-and-everyone-e/

Note that some Singapore company is also being named

Marketing Pond - Sink or Swim

2008-03-17T19:18:00.001+08:00

Marketing Pond shows You how to do Forward Marketing.
You'll learn How to Swim in the online marketing world
instead of sink. An easy, almost effortless system that
works Smart. After all, it IS about working Smarter, not
harder. Get the Pond Today...Totally FREE!
http://www.marketingpond.com/ref.cgi/38356/

That little Froggie went to Market.
That little Froggie went Broke.
THIS little Froggie got the Pond and
Made Money FREE At Home.
http://www.marketingpond.com/ref.cgi/38356/

Do you feel like You are Drowning in a lake of bills?
Every time you turn around someone is charging you a fee?
The New Generation is here...... EVERYTHING FREE!
http://www.marketingpond.com/ref.cgi/38356/

You Want to Make Money.
You Are Broke.
It Takes Money to Make Money...OR does it?
NOT at the Pond.....No Money Needed!
http://www.marketingpond.com/ref.cgi/38356/
Make Free Money.

Survivor 2008 - Microasia

2008-03-08T23:47:00.004+08:00

If you have watched the latest installment of the Survivor series, you will notice that the weakling and useless burger (also known as Chet) didn't get voted off 3 times in a row. Instead, the more useful and productive tribe members were voted off - namely Mary, Mike B and Joel. Sounds familar?

This is to foster the blind land. You know the saying, in the land of the blind, the one-eye man is King!

Reporting from the tele-console from afar

2008-02-04T15:21:00.001+08:00

New Year 2008 - Moving Forward, Looking Upward, Thinking Outward..

For some naive airhead wannabes who are hoping to be noticed by upper management this year, it is the time to start on a clean slate. Old scores are pretentiously forgotten and attempts are made to 'get' to know managers better, smile more, be a 'yes' man and score points by giving feedback about your colleaques, because telling on others is 'the' ticket to move ahead and up.

Yet for some more desperate individuals, raising their hands for any kind of projects for visibility is the trend as 'self volunteering' is the right thing to do in the name of supporting the company's direction; even if the idea sucks and lacks depth and foresight.

And for some disillusioned souls still chasing the illusion of a reward, private time with the managers is a must, participating in out-of-office social activity builds rapport and will pave the way to a promotion. Afterall it has been mathematically proven with certainty that hardwork and attitude only help you to reach your potential but talking management rot and ass kissing will get you the job title you want:

Formula: A - Z <=> 1 - 25

Hardwork = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 94%(slog..slog..slog and still not there yet)
Attitude = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% (you just make the mark ie. you are now noticed)
Bullshit = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20+= 103% (ah..you are beginning to smell like one)
Ass Kissing = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 133%! (Congras! you are now an assh**% piece of sh*%)

Another thing to do that will nail you that promotion is if you are a totally outsourced solution to an MNC vendor, treat them nice. It is a partnership not a professional business relationship. Be mindful of how you convey your needs to them. Molly colly them even when they failed to do their job, it is called 'give and take' and they expect you to fully understand the word 'leverage' all the time. SLAs are for the benefit of the vendor not you.

And after you have done all the above to move forward and looking upward but you forget to keep your visiting directors 'entertained', everything will be futile. If you need coaching in this area, just watch how the managers and vendors behave when the directors are in town. But if you value your dignity and have an ounce of self esteem left in you then, thinking outward is perhaps a worthy consideration for 2008.

May the Force Be With You!!

Reporting From the One That Got Away

Going Black is Cool

2008-01-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

Yes. Black is the new colour (or lack of colour). Its hip to be black, cool and dark. Look at the Apple Ad for their now not so new mac book

Also, in recent years.. movies have also embraced black. Look at the recent Spiderman 3 movie which feature Spidey in a cool black suit.

Even music groups have names like "Black Eye Peas". Before long, the business world will go black too! Meanwhile, here's the trailer for "Black Sheep" - don't be one!

Reporting from a dark/black corner

2008

2008-01-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

The cyclical work begins again this year on 2008. The new year brings hope and new inspiration to those who took bold steps to explore the unknown.

wishing everyone a fruitful year ahead!

The Topless Car wash

2007-12-24T18:05:00.001+08:00

The Lion City

2007-12-24T18:03:00.000+08:00

The Lemon Juice Talk

2007-12-19T18:30:00.000+08:00

Have you ever heard of the term "Lemon Juice Talk" ? It is an upgraded version of the "Coffee Talk". Back in the days where management wants to feel the ground of the workforce, they will mingle with the lower ranks during coffee breaks - in an informal manner. Such "Coffee talks" eventually migrated into an organised session for management to disseminate information to the lower ranks - this is usually accompanied by some food and light refreshments (coffee).

The "Coffee talks" then migrated to a coffee-less operandi mode - and serves as a conduit for management to do a top-down information dissemination.

Whats the next step? the "Lemon Juice Talk". It is not because there will be lemon juice serverd at the info session. It is for management to talk about how sour why certain objectives cannot be met, and how even higher management is to blamed. The sour grape syndrome. Can it get any worse? Only time will tell.

Reporting from the grapevine.

The ZunePhone

2007-12-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

Macrosoft's latest invention - designed and built in India is here... The Zune Phone. Here is an Ad for the phone:

Christmas Song - India

2007-12-04T14:24:00.000+08:00

Calm before the Storm

2007-12-01T14:25:00.000+08:00

There had been very little news over the last few weeks. This could be the calm just before the storm. The storm could be brewing slowly beneath the calm surface and the under-currents is getting stronger.

Perhaps the uprising is suspended as many had acquire safe-habour with more offerings from the Gods - and decided to play it safe. Ultimately, the ones that holds the power still rips the benefits at the end of the day.

Reporting from the Swimming Pool where it is definitely Calm

Indian Music - Benny Lava

2007-11-27T23:31:00.001+08:00

Wedding Photos Part 1

2007-11-25T21:35:00.001+08:00

Migration

2007-11-15T15:20:00.000+08:00

Will APNN2 be migrated to the old "forum" technology? It's hard to say. Current Blogger features allows the authors of blogs to put up embedded code - like adding YouTube videos etc.

Our tech department assured us that customization to the software will allow more advance features, but who needs them when we are surviving will on the blogger platform. Any comments?

http://sinlg.dlinkddns.com:8000/base <-- experimental

I am a girl now

2007-11-12T10:10:00.000+08:00

Earthworm launched

2007-11-09T12:14:00.000+08:00

Passionfruit Inc today announced the release of Mary OS 10.5 aka Earthworm. This latest installment supercedes the previous flagship OS 10.4 aka Fireant. Minimum requirements for installation of Passionfruit requires at least a Dual-core processor from cumTel running at 2ghz and at least 1GB of memory.

Note worthy features from Passionfruit include Time machine, which makes your Orange computer look like an older version of it's distance cousin, like the Orange ][+ or the Orangintosh. Another feature is the "finder" application which has porn filter built-in now. Parents can feel safe when their children use Passionfruit for web-surfing.

The Demise of APNN blog

2007-11-07T16:10:00.000+08:00

Hello readers,

APNN's readership has fallen a whopping 95% after the URL was changed. The result is caused by insufficient marketing and publicity within the blogger community. As a result, new competition is entering this space, http://im-moderately-ho.blogspot.com/. Slated to set the stage for an opinions related blog, we wonder if it will follow the foot-steps of the original APNN.

Reporting from the reporter's lounge swating flies.

Comedy - Laugh it out

2007-11-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

Tenacious D & their ideas of Sex

2007-11-02T10:45:00.001+08:00

Yet another social networking site?

2007-11-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Heard of www.oddpodz.com ? A social networking site that seems to target at the creative people!

Marriage Discussion

2007-11-01T20:54:00.001+08:00

New Herbal Shampoo for Men competes with Viagra Shampoo

2007-11-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

Favourite Handphone

2007-11-01T14:54:00.000+08:00

Research shows that teenagers these days want to have the most fashionable phone they can get their hands on. The big cell phone companies are racing to produce the next gen social-networking cell phones featuring direct integration to social-networking giants like Bodybook and TaMaDeSpace.

Can you move like me?

2007-10-31T11:41:00.000+08:00

Woh.... Wah... Oohhh... Uhhh... These are the sounds that flood the concert hall last Friday when the famous dancer "Na Na Bally" shows off her skills - utilizing all her muscles to create this dance.

Even the camera man was drooling, wondering if those tiny muscle movements can be utilized in other activities.

Reporting from the Drool Center, Thir Tee Man

The Hunt for Consumerism

2007-10-30T15:41:00.000+08:00

Many gathered at the Belly Dancing Restaurant yesterday afternoon. This is the result of free food and beverages offered to all who turned up. It is a marketing event, for electronic products from various vendors.

Prizes were also up for grab, include the very well known "iPhone" offered by Apple Inc. Other prizes included "Playstation Portable", "iPods", Webcams etc.

The turn-out was mixed with many races including Chinese, Caucasians and Indians alike. All wanting a piece of the prize-pie.

The organizers said the event was a success and will have more such events in the future.

Dead Terrorist

2007-10-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

The new APNN2

2007-10-28T09:44:00.000+08:00

Dear readers,

The Asia Pacific News Network has changed URL as you may have noticed. The 2 signifies new changes to our editorial columns. We want to be innovative and write articles that YOU want to read. So please give us feedback.

Do you want to see more TV serie reviews? Movie reviews? How about Entertainment news or Crime reports? Or do you want to hear about life events or Sport news? Some classified Ads/Commercials or financial news? Of course APNN will report in it's fictitious and comical style. Your support greatly appreciated. YouTube selections will also be featured from time to time.

Wo Ai Ni
CEO (Chief Entertainment Officer)

Thank you for your Support

2007-10-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

Dearest readers of the Asia Pacific News Network,

The readership of this blog has been steadily increasing, based on the statistics gathered (see below):

Since the debut of this blog, the average hit rates is about 80(impressions) a day, noting that weekends tend to be the low traffic time. Of course, this number does not tell us if there were really 80 people reading the blog a day - it is more likely the same people hit the blog several times throughout the day. It also shows that on the average, 2 people will read some of the advertising that is on the site.

We want to make the blog better, so we welcome suggestions or articles that are important or interesting to you. Please write your comments by clicking on the comment icon below.

So from now on, APNN URL has been changed to http://apnn2.blogspot.com

Thank you
Wo Ai Ni
one of the bloggers

The Toilet Roll

2007-10-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

2007-10-25T21:15:00.000+08:00

Did You Commit This Most Appropriate Gruesome Crime? - A weekly series

"Death By the Toilet Flash, Accident or Murder?"

The hot tropical sun was beating mercilessly upon the bald patch of S.M. Lake's head. Dredged in his own perspiration and feeling sticky under his armpits, Lake quickly dashed across the road to the nearest coffee shop and gratefully plopped himself under a fan. Relieved at last and away from the scorching noon sun.

The coffee shop lady hobbled towards Lake, ‘Drink what?’

Lake looked up, ‘Coke.’ The lady strolled lazily back to the counter and shouted his order.

At first, Lake didn’t noticed it but soon he realized that the coffee shop was quite empty. Normally, the place would be crowded with the lunch crowd but today, there were plenty of empty seats. Lake looked at his watch, it was 12.30pm.

The coffee shop lady returned with the Coke, ‘$1.20’

Lake paid. ‘How come no people today?’

‘You didn’t know?’

‘Know what?’

‘That the company opposite, one of the managers died, so they said everybody has to stay in the canteen, police now investigating.'

'So the whole company cannot leave'?

'Ya, everyone is a suspect because everyone hates the Sa Kar manager, they very happy he die you know. They all happy eating pau, drinking kopi, like celebrating.'

‘Really? When?’

‘This morning about 10 o’clock, they said he died in the toilet.’

‘He collapsed?’

‘I don’t know lah but this morning, a lot of people drinking coffee here say he is a bad manager, deserved to die that way.’

‘What way?’

‘Actually quite scary, they said his head got stucked in the toilet bowl. When they pulled out his head, his mouth was ‘why’ to one side. The mouth screwed to one side because he likes to talk and carry tales about people to his manager.'

‘Aiyo! Stuck in the toilet bowl? What was he putting his head in the toilet bowl for?’

‘How I know, but just now the people say, that manager like to Sa Kar big shot and he was actually trying to examine the toilet bowl because his big manager complained the toilet not so clean.’

‘He can call the cleaners for that, why need to go do it himself?’

‘That’s why lor, the people say, actually the Ang Mo manager just mentioned only but this Sa Kar always like to carry his balls, so he go do it himself. Served him right lah.’

‘But how did his head gone stuck?’

‘You think company got only 1 Sa Kar meh. The people all say there must be another Sa Kar who also heard what the Ang Mo manager say. So must have told the cleaning department to do automatic flush. This Sa Kar suay lah, put his head inside the bowl, the toilet automatically flashed, his head kena sucked in so die lah!’

The coffee shop lady grinned, ‘Aiyo, I cannot chit chat now, my boss calling me.’

Lake downed his Coke and thought of the story. Very interesting death under very unusual circumstances. He finished the last drop of the iced Coke and headed across towards the company, he now has the title for his book, 'The Toilet Flash Murder Mystery.'

Now, who could be the smart Sa Kar that got rid of the dumb Sa Kar?

What's your take? Send in your comments. Clue for the week: Muffins

Reporting from APNN Corporate Crime Division (Tomorrow Sure Die)

Scrabble and The meaning of the words

2007-10-25T18:15:00.000+08:00

Test your vocab right here, do you know the meaning of these words?

VARICES
PEYoTES
ImBOWERS
ORECTIVE
CRETICS
SOILURE
ONERIEST
LaPIDATE
TRIVETS
CROFTER

Wonderful World

2007-10-25T15:45:00.000+08:00

Amazing shadow art!

2007-10-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

Say It Any Which Way You Like - A Poo is a Dung Any Which Way You Shit..

Have you ever wonder why they have to teach you Idioms in school?

Remembered how we used to laugh at the silly statement, 'It is raining cats and dogs.' I mean what is wrong with this English people, if it is raining heavily, just say so, what cats and dogs? And aren't they ones who coined the word 'storm'?

Over the years, we progressed from 'cats and dogs' to 'cart and horses' to 'the bull and the horn'.
I guess once you reached 'take the bull by the horn', you are ready to handle some very serious management bull(shit) from the working world...

What Sissy Bull will say vs what Real Bull will say:
==================================================
We need to know what are your concerns -> Hey, dude, what is your problem
What are the challenges to this project -> How come we have so many freaking problems
We need to see if the budget allows -> Cannot do, we have no money
The project will be impacted -> We are screwed
There is a change to the requirements -> That idiot is changing his mind again
Let's call for a meeting to sort things out -> I am going to kill that burger
Let me understand your views -> You are one big pain in the A**!
Management wants this by tomorrow -> Bloody Sh*t!!

Yes, the world is full of bull.

Reporting from Slaughter House - Fight Bull with Bull, take Red Bull

The difference between a Japanese and American company

2007-10-25T14:44:00.000+08:00

A Japanese corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

An American corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

Reporting live by cowpkb.

Onee, Inc in response to Viagra Shampoo announcement

2007-10-25T14:09:00.000+08:00

Following the announcement by Timbaktu, Inc. on the the Viagra Shampoo, scientists at Onee.com has also announced the following two new products:

FLATURAGRA: this drug can convert men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Dosage can be doubled for long flights in the plane.
LIAGRA: this drug causes men to be less truthful when being asked about their extra marital affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and
Presidential Strength.

Story from Uncle Bee

2007-10-25T14:01:00.000+08:00

Hi, I am Chiak Liao Bee, and let me tell you my story
Life was originally simple and HAPPY
We only toil and suffer in STUDIES
At first only A-B-C, -,+,divide and 1-2-3.
Primary 6 is kan-cheong PSLE
Then go up to SECONDARY
Must learn HISTORY and GEOGRAPHY
Physics, bio and CHEMISTRY
After O levels go JC
Some will choose to go POLY.
This hot and humid little COUNTRY
Somehow seems to have many ENEMIES
Boys 18 years old must go ARMY
After that then enter UNIVERSITY.
Girls here always watch TV
Often skip class and CHIAK LEOW BEE
If you ask them do some DUTIES
They'll just shout " Alamak ! " and cry for MUMMY.
Can study, continue STUDY
Can't study, work FACTORY
Cannot rely on CHARITY
Work like hell and earn just a little SALARY
After CPF and INCOME TAX, you'll be lucky that you still can buy ROTI
Save money lor use MRT.

Colleagues formerly seem FRIENDLY
Daily treated to their tea and COFFEE
Now they gradually get CRAZY
Worst still behind me say I LAZY.
Bosses every where have no SYMPATHY
Work always must HURRY HURRY
Say I always take MC
Often make me do OT
Midnight go back in TAXI
Midnight surcharge ERP
Cause my bank account NO MONEY
Nowadays you pity POSB
DBS just want EXTRA FEE
Got cheek and say " Nothing is FREE !

Boy/girl friend-friend become STEADY
Serious pak-tor and then MARRY
Waste-time and money on ceremony and dinner PARTY
Still got joker-friends just give PANTY
After marry no more HONEY-HONEY
Two years later become DADDY
Wife at KK give birth to BABY
Name given is DO RE MI
Monthly pay back HDB
Moonlight anything including KARANG GUNI
Earn not enough FEEL GUILTY
Jump river suicide and want to MATI
Maybe life is really not that EASY
Better go to heaven and be FAIRY
You say FUNNY or not FUNNY

Reporting live by Uncle Bee rapping at kopi-shop.

New job title

2007-10-25T13:52:00.000+08:00

An employee was speaking to his boss.
Nowadays everyone is putting i- in front of everything, iPod, iTouch. Your job title "Director of Information Technology sounds boring."

The director ponders for a while and replied. "From now onwards, call me i-Diot."

Experimental Shampoo Hits the Underground

2007-10-24T15:36:00.000+08:00

Related report here.

There are reports of an underground sale of the yet un-released Viagra Shampoo developed by the R&D arm of TimBakTu Inc. The sale of the product has propagated in the realm of abusers who use the product for other purposes rather than for their hair.

To most victims of this underground leak of the product, it was major disappointment as the product did not perform well to other parts of the body other than to the hair. People tout the product as a scam with the naming of the shampoo, citing that gel or wax could just as easily style one's hair.

The product was sold for a street price between US$50 to US$100. Other more adventurous victims attempted to digest the shampoo causing severe vomiting.

TimBakTu Inc cannot be reach for comment for such a leak at this time.

Reporting from the underground (six feet under)

The Teflon Umbrella

2007-10-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

Product : Teflon Umbrella
Purpose : To deflect work(shit) & during emergency, can act as a parachute to safety.
Manufacturer : By Managers
For : Managers or Exec Support
Materials : Umbrella made entirely out of Teflon
List Price : TBD
Release Date : Q1 2008
Distributor : TCSM - Teflon Co-Sourcing Manufacturer

Performance Evaluation Counterfeits

2007-10-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

Human Resource have detained five Managers for peddling pirated and counterfeit Performance Evaluations during the Ranking Exercise. The four women and a man, aged between 33 and 43 years, were caught at various locations in a 12-hour island-wide operation conducted on 24 October 2007 . HR also seized about 800 copied PE reports. These reports have a street value of an inestimable amount.

In the middle of this year, HR had received information that several managers were advertising the sale of suspected prepared PEs. Acting on the information, HR tracked down the subjects and detained them for questioning.

This operation was a joint effort between the HR and IT department. HR will continue to mount operations against those who think that they can exploit the employees by use of counterfeit PE reports.

Deputy Vice President of HR Sharky Ong said, “Lazy Managers’ should think twice before engaging in such illegal activities. The punishment is severe and managers caught may end up with false PE reports for themselves too.

Reporting from Somewhere over the rainbow

Viagra Shampoo

2007-10-23T11:41:00.000+08:00

A scientist from TimBakTu Inc has invented a Viagra Shampoo. Not only will the shampoo make your hair shinny and smooth, it will make every strand of hair stiff and erect! The company said that the shampoo will do very well in the LongKangWood movies industry as well as the fashion industry which calls for very unusual hair styling requirements.

The shampoo will likely be sold under prescription and not available to the general public, as fear of abuse using the shampoo on other areas may arise.

Reporting from TimBakTu by Scientic Discovery journalist, TimberLooch

Manager 101 for Dummies

2007-10-23T10:58:00.001+08:00

Here are highly effective techniques for new managers but use it wisely, or it may backfire.

1. Re-organize your group or organization immediately.

This technique will tell everyone that the previous organization is not as optimized as the one you are proposing. And by sheer luck, if the organization is successful, you'll get the credits caused you re-organized it to be successful. If it is a failure, just find a scapegoat - see further bullet points to avoid failure.

2. You should be capable of doing the managerial position or the work within your organization. In case you are incapable of doing or understanding what needs to be done, mitigate the problem by doing the following:

a. Hire someone to report to you that can do your job. This way, if the new-hire's success will become your success.
b. Reward and motivate existing employee(s) to step up and do your job
c. Blame failure on the new-hire or the employee

*Note : if you were hired by a manager that is also doing #2, you must follow suit in his footsteps.

3. Perform #1 again, to mitigate any upcoming failure. Re-iterate #2 as deep as necessary.

Tips from the Financial University of Colorado Kentucky

Die Bastards Die

2007-10-22T17:11:00.000+08:00

Former James Bond star Rockstarr Ashi received a new bum-impression on LongKangWood Bum of Fame on LongKangWood Boulevard. Rockstarr marked his 80th birthday by accepting this Bum of Fame honour just yesterday, shortly after the announcement of the new Bond thriller "Die Bastards Die". He is the only Bond star that received the Bum of Fame honour by having a full bum impression done on a gold plated sidewalk.

Director SiaKar was interviewed earlier today and he confirmed Rockstarr Ashi will not be cast as the villain in Die Bastards Die citing that Rockstarr is too old for the villain role. They are currently trying out several possibilities including Black Pitt and Damnwell Washington, where they will get a chance to play the very first gay-black villain in a Bond movie - certainly a very bold move.

Fans of the movies are raving about the new Die Bastards Die movie, and the movie is already becoming a box office even before it is produced. LongKangWood's most difficult project yet, 6 months left to cast and film the movie, and the story aint even ready. Director SiaKar deferred the rise to fame solely by the chosen name for the movie. It is rumoured that Director SiaKar was the one that chosed the name for the movie. Previously short-listed movie names include "The Day Three", "Direct Shit" and "The Spy who Died"

The writers for Die Bastard Die will post story ideas at this website, creating the next killer Bond movie (pun intended).

Rockstarr Ashi will be on the big screen in Nov, starring as the evil step father in "The Singing Santa". The trailer is available here.

Reporting from LongKangWood Cafe - Espresso si peh song!

Garment to introduce BLT

2007-10-22T16:25:00.000+08:00

Tax Me More

BLT - it's not just Bacon, Lettuce and Tomatos.

The recent hike in the Goods and Services Tax did not stop our Garment from wanting more. The latest from the Palarment debate is to introduce yet another tax on top of the GST known as the Bo-Laksa Tax. The BLT will be introduce in 2008, on all income given to the employees. The BLT will be deducted from the payroll directly, any money that is deposited to the employee from payroll shall be liable for BLT. The debate is on whether BLT will be in the 1-3% range or higher.The Garment cited that the tax is inevitable as the higher wages/bonuses of the high level officials need to come from somewhere, and BLT will serve that need.

Immediately after the news of the debate has been circulated, prices of Bacon and Tomatos surged. It is unknown why Lettuce prices remained unchanged.

By the England No Velly Goot Repotter.

The Oath....

2007-10-22T14:04:00.000+08:00

I, Cin Boh Lui, swear to sign away another year of my useless life to the "COMPANY" because I have no money and want to hang out with the Idiots without "actually" having to be one of them.

I swear to sit behind my desk everyday and let others take the credit.
I also swear not to do any form of real work, but promise to defend our marathon team who exercises during office hours and for those who aspire to be the IRON Man.

I promise to walk around every morning calling everyone by their nick name because
I find it amusing to annoy them (example: wa nua buey).

I swear I will have a better quality of life than all those around me
and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge (Mr Know It All) while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will do no work unless someone is watching me
(and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early everyday.

I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER. I understand that all those whom
I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.

Reporting live from a very sick man lying in bed.

Lastest Bond Movie planned for Summer 2008

2007-10-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

Surprise! Surprise! LongKangWood just announced it's next installment of the famous francise movie - James Bond, Die Bastards Die.

The film is slated to debut in cinemas world-wide in Summer 2008. The movie is directed by LongKangWood's latest prodigy, SiaKar. Director SiaKar has hit movies under his belt, including "End to End", "My Boys and Girls" and "Pretty Half-a-Woman".

The storyline of the latest movie is still kept very hash-hash. As the plot is yet to be finalized. It seems the script writers cannot agree on how much violence to include in the movie. But we all know it will have lots of special effects that will wow audiences the world over. Our spies at LongKangWood promised us that Die Bastards Die will feature head chopping action, spying storying lines and gold-digging adventures. So don't miss Die Bastards Die, cause Downsizing is just the first step. (the only place you can get up-sized is at McDonalds!)

Reporting from Entertainment Tomorrow Night, LongKangWood.

The Murphy Work Laws

2007-10-21T23:01:00.001+08:00

Remember...
1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters away from a kick in the pants.
2. If you are too good at work, you cannot be replaced and hence cannot be promoted.
3. The longer your title, the less important the job.
4. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
5. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
6. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
7. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
8. If you want to be visible for your next review, talk loudly - never mind if you sound stupid.
9. And if you really want to nail the rank '1' or promotion, slang till your tongue gets knotted.